your thong is hanging out like whoa
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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