RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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