if only i could text you this smell
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
