I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
