we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
