dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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