I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
