But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he puts the penis in happiness.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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