Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Welp...herpes.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
