I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
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