We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize