Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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