Is it normal to miss your booty call?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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