The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just threw up on my dentist
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The air was thick with penises
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
