these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
