OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
