He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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