their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
