He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
