I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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