my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
