OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Sober January is a disaster.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
