walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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