Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
