I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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