I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
