so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
