just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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