I'm so fucking centered right now
Umm I'm too high to move.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
