Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
