Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
COCAINE IS GR8
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
