guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
