It's like God shit irony all over that family
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
