Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
