we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
