How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
