i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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