you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
