Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
