You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize
