i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
