She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
