I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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