so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
