PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
