The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
