i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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