I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
