Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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