mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
how does that bad decision feel?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
