What a fucking waste of an outfit
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
