Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
